J is for the way…

J has not been kind to me. 
If I believed in curses, I’d think some sort of J curse was placed on me when I was but a wee lass… 
It started with a step dad named Jerry, when I was a toddler, who liked to get me drunk and play with my mom like she was a punching bag. True story- we actually fled for our lives and hid out in Sin City, which is where my very earliest flashes of memories are. 
As I grew up, I had best friends and boy friends. Normal middle school to high school tragic romances and heartbreaks. Reflectively though, it’s the one’s owned by the letter J that stand out the most. 

John… the relationship that ended so beyond tragically that still, to this day, I feel sick at my stomach when I think about it. Everyone in his family was affected, manipulated and hurt by what happened and not long after that- his father died. 

Jim… that boy from a far, whom I spent the summers in “love” with, but he didn’t even know I existed. Then, the summer of my junior year (i was just sixteen) he sat down with me, poured out his heart (about life stuff) and suddenly acted like I was his best friend ever. As the leaves turned he would mail me letters doing just that. And then he stopped, and I’m not sure whatever happened. Broke my summer crush heart at any rate…
James… first true love- of the soul mate variety… far deeper relationship than any sixteen year old should have. Ended at a bus station, sort of. I carried along a lot of baggage from this one, for far too long. He is a giant Jerk now, which fits- what with the J and all… 

Justin… If I were to collect my love stories, print and bind them, this one would be the best. Though nothing horribly devastating happened during our relationship- it was intensely played out and the timing was tragically wrong for us. Then, things went really bad for him and now, now I have no idea. 

Jared…  Jared and I didn’t date, but that did not change the intensity of our friendship at all. He was that dark and brooding boy, intense and artistic. He was that guy who could look into the core of me and pull out truths I wanted no one to know. I adored him. Spending time with him, (which happened daily) left me both amazingly inspired and incredibly drained. He died tragically, far too young. 
Jaycaun/John… Though i doubt either one were even his real name, he did an amazing job pretending they were. He was a scam artists/pathological liar, to his core, but the way I felt about him was real. He hurt my heart over and over again, for far too long. Then finally, one day, I wised up… 
When our sweet little Genny came to us, we made the decision to keep her birth name (sort of), only spell it a little different. Family criticized us horribly for not taking the opportunity to also change her G to a J. 
No way… by then, I knew better. J’s and I just don’t play nice together… 
Cue the young adulthood and romantic life of my oldest daughter Amanda. 
She’s dated quite a few screwed up douchebags… 
Guess what letter their names started with.
Yep. 
So she goes on a date with this guy last week and giddily she tells me about it. After she leaves for work, Genny (who had been completely listening to everything, as she always does) says to me “All I have to say is, at least his name doesn’t start with a J!” 
*grin* 
She picked up on that one, due to her sister’s troubles, all on her own. She knows nothing of my own. Hopefully this is enough to spare her from the curse of the J. True to herself, while rollerblading yesterday she met a new neighbor kid named Jake. After a warm introduction she said “i have to go in now. bye!” and rushed in the house…

Poor thing… or not. ha ha… 

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*disclaimer… yes, my mom’s name was Julie. And yes, I’ve had friends among the Jen and Jess variety, as life has gone on…

Categories: journey

6 Comments »

  1. My daughter is dating a complete douchebag and his name starts with a J. As I was typing it occurred to me that the worst relationship I ever had was with a guy with a name that started with a J. I work for a guy whose name starts with J and he fits right in with the rest of them!

  2. how crazy that each person who has come in your life was a letter J… hmm,that is interesting. I was thinking if I had that but my heart break came from all letters of the alphabet.. B was the worst, C was milder and i do have a J who broke my heart but it was minimal. My 2nd grade crush was Ryan Angel. Longest lashes EVER! Did not do this on purpose but my son's name is Ryan.8th grade, crush on a boy named Tyler… we had discussed naming another boy Tyler, but we've only had girls since and have decided to stick with the R name from here on out. :) ryan, reese and rayne. I hope R's are a good thing for them growing up! :)

  3. that's a frightening pattern! i like how genny has picked up on it… she'll be smart about stuff like that in the future!(all of mine don't have a letter in common, but they share a common trait: guys obsessed with music, but who are not actually musicians. bad fellows, i tell you.)

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