If I were a broken record, I would be stuck saying something about choices.
Criticisms for my kids’ choices… Urging Genny to really consider her choices… Criticism for myself and my own stupid choices…
Choosing to lose patience.
Have no patience.
Facebook instead of writing.
Computer instead of a walk in the sunshine.
Fast food over making dinner… Ok. In all fairness that decision hasn’t been made in forever because we don’t really do the fast food thing- (Panda Express aside)
But still… choices…
Last night, the second my husband walked in the door, Genny sort of stepped over into the dark side. She does this a lot, actually. She becomes the most condensed version of a class clown that you can imagine. It’s intense in a hyperactive kid shooting up pixie stix kinda way…
Did I mention that the period between him walking in the door and her going to bed last night lasted about twelve decades??? She just gets so over stimulated… Do you know what really helps that? Mowing the lawn. I’m not kidding… She’s actually been asking, for the past two weeks, when she can start mowing the lawn. Even she admits it helps. It’s weird, but whatever.
Anyway… Throughout those said decades, as I aged and greyed with each passing minute- I kept mentally urging her to take a deep breath and consider her choices.
My choices. Me.
Can I love my kids so much that they will just make the right choices? No. I can’t. As ideal of an idea as that may be- it is completely impossible. And maybe my highly opinionated theory that if my kids loved themselves a little more they might make better choices is right on the nose… but I can’t make them love themselves. I can’t air up their self esteem so that they soar above the gutter style choices I fear for them.
But I can choose differently.
I can choose to love me. I can choose to do what I need. I can end school with Genny, good day or bad, at a specific time so that I can write. I can do that… and it isn’t selfish. It isn’t horrible parenting… It is meeting my needs so that I am better equipped to meet hers.
And added bonus: I’m slowly teaching her to value herself too…