Category: journey

just call me the bag lady…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay3 Comments

IMG_2948My weekend was a mixed bag…

Whenever that happens, and it’s not simply a fantastic set of days, I’m tempted to wallow and cast a negative shadow on the whole thing. In the essence of fairness though, that’s simply not, well, fair.There is something truly redemptive in the way discomfort or a “bad day” makes the beautiful look better. It really does have a way of fine tuning our gratitude, when we let it. I tried to let that be the attitude with which my weekend seemed to abide by. I wasn’t perfect, and that’s ok.

On Facebook I shared that I wanted to:

1.) see a movie. (now there’s a shocker.)

2.) paint my toenails.

3.) finish a home organization project.

And I met my goals. While I did other things, and I likely could have done more, I set three simple goals that were practical, important (to me) and fun (or at least a mix of the three) and it made the weekend a lot easier. When I did that, I did not know we would deal with the teenage animosity we dealt with, pangs of homesickness over what we were missing back in Boise this weekend, or that I would struggle with an on & off again three-day migraine. (allergies combined with stress…)

But the really good bits-

an unexpected nap;

food & game night with friends;

laughter;

my husband’s awesome popcorn;

having the laundry done by the end of the weekend- these are really good things. And amidst the worst moments, these rays of brightness become even better. Maybe the very best we should hope for is a mixed bag, because too much of a good thing just makes it bland and ordinary and I don’t want that for any of my beautiful moments…

Slow learning, since 1976…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay6 Comments

What I’ve learned in May is kind of a tricky topic. I feel it’s likely, on any given day, that I could have a varying degree of answers. One day I’d tell you that I learned to master the most amazing sandwich recipe, the next I’d cry into my sourdough bread and tell you how I’ve learned nothing and I’m a huge failure, doomed to repeat the same disastrous mistakes day after day.

I live with a fifteen year old girl, who is the barometer of our house. I’ve learned this.

I kind of, sort of, pretty much, definitely hate it. {learned that too.}

In all seriousness, it’s been a tough month. My instinct is to lay it all out for you and prove to you that I’m a failure as a wife, mother, writer and _________ (insert every other area here), but the truth is, I’ve learned the damage thinking such things can do. While yes, it has become painstakingly clear that I am not an awesome mom because apparently awesome moms have their stuff figured it by now, I have learned that I daily become more and more of the person I’m destined to be. Labeling all of my steps along this journey, until this moment, as failure only sounds spoiled and ungrateful.

I already knew I didn’t want to be that…

I’ve learned that love is patient. Most of us know that. It’s something ingrained into our brains and yet, I’m only really starting to understand what that truly means. I’ve learned that saying “no” to the stuff we should say no to is tough, and saying “yes” to the stuff we should agree to is even tougher. This realization hit me like a Mack truck to the face, and I still think it sucks, but something about knowing it helps me when I’m faced with the question and that’s a good thing.

I’ve learned that intentional dating is an awesome thing to do with my husband, but sometimes life is heavy and hard and we just need to escape and zone out at the movies together. Feeling guilty for that isn’t healthy.

I tried to learn to make fried chicken again. (the last time was 20 years ago.) I will not try again. I realize there is nothing healthy about fried chicken but I grew up on fried chicken picnics and Chw grew up on Sunday fried chicken dinners. Nostalgia inspired me to try it again. I did learn that I’m a really great cook, when it comes to some things, and fried chicken is not one of them. I am ok with this…

Regarding writing, and working from home, May has been quite an educational month. I’ve learned I work better when I’m working. Novel concept, (no pun intended) I know. It’s that simply, though, so I’ve begun scheduling my hours and it works like a dream. Because it’s the end of the school year oddness, a few things have been tweaked, but it’s been a pretty great and I’ve been more productive and taken more steps forward this month than I have in well over a year.

It all falls under the same lesson though, one I think that I’ve been learning since I was seven years old… That’s the lesson of grace. Grace for myself, grace for others… I’ll wake up and need to learn it again tomorrow. I think I’m stuck in my own version of Groundhog Day over here…

a long way trip to get to the tv point…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay2 Comments

TVcoverI want to talk about marriage, infidelity, hashing through it all on camera but first-

A lot of people from various walks of life-like to bag on entertainment whenever they discuss the important things in life. Between you and I, sometimes I get a little defensive when they do that. Here’s the truth, we do subscribe to digital cable and we do have a DVR. Is it expensive? I guess. Could that money be used for something more valuable? Probably. Are we going to cancel our cable? Nope… The truth is, we don’t watch a lot of TV. The television is off more days a week than it’s on. We don’t eat meals in front of the tv, we do not mindlessly channel surf. Actually, we do not ever channel surf. We DVR shows we enjoy and when we do watch tv, those are what we watch. (and by most of, I mean the few shows…)

Here’s the deal. I’m not saying tv should rank up their on the list of priorities, and I’m not saying that I am right to be defensive. What I am suggesting is that we stop expecting every single person to fit into a slim little box. Sometimes someone’s day may look like their husband is stressed out with a business trip gone bad and he’s out-of-town and unavailable while her fifteen year old screams and verbally abuses her and then heaps on more abuse because how dare she be hurt or remotely offended by the hateful remarks spit at her. Sometimes the microscopically fine line between complete abysmal overwhelment and absolute emptiness might look like a bottle of whiskey or a drug induced escape… While I own the former, and never drink it, I don’t choose that. Instead, on days (yesterday) like that, I curl up on the couch and watch an hour of Kitchen Casino, and then Jimmy Fallon.

For years and years my work was tied to the edge of the entertainment industry and I grew to appreciate the ins and outs of production, the quality of a great series/film and most specifically great entertainment writing. It’s not easy, and I appreciate it. While there are tons of people who don’t, (and because they don’t, and they have a voice, they somehow deem it as worthless garbage) I personally feel the entertainment industry is incredibly valuable. With these tiny fragments of time our emotions can be held, captured and touched in extraordinary ways, when it works out right. I love that! So yeah, if a show has solid writing, we will probably give it a shot. This means my husband and I store and watch a rather eclectic mix of things. I cry in most shows we watch because, again, we watch really well written things so I get pretty drawn in. It’s embarrassing, even to have Chw there sometimes.

Beyond So You Think You Can Dance (Which starts tonight!) HGTV Design Star, and a couple of random Food Network competition shows, I don’t do reality TV at all. Our family loves these shows so we watch them together whenever we can, but if we miss one, we delete it- no big deal. (Well, and I am obsessed with Catfish. We do not watch that as a family. That’s my guilty pleasure, when I’m folding laundry…)

Except… One day I saw a promo for True Tori, on Lifetime. I’ve never been a Tori Spelling fan, and am not a huge follower of celebrity gossip so I knew nothing about her husband’s alleged affair. If you’ve read my blog for long though, you’ll know that my husband and I divorced after an affair and eventually worked through hell to reconcile. It was a difficult journey, that our marriage is all a million times better for. (the journey, not the affair and the divorce) Whenever I get the chance to see elements of real marital stuff portrayed within the entertainment world, I gravitate there… (I’ll list a few movies at the end of this post that I think portray awesome marriage stuff.)

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I have recorded this series weekly, and found time to painfully sit through it. I have skimmed posts and articles where people have shouted about how sure they are that it’s all a hoax because apparently Dean & Tori have money issues. (Being a non-celebrity gossip, non TS fan, I’m watching this show and looking at their house and the things they own, the way they eat and the things they buy their kids and thinking “they do????” but whatever… Maybe when someone grew up a Spelling and they lose THAT degree of money, it feels like money problems when you have a lot less.) Here’s the thing, this show is raw. Though there are parts of it that feel super fake- {like if I hear “our fairy tale _________” (insert: romance, marriage, story, ending, love, etc) one more time, my tv may find itself feeling more broke than Tori’s book claims they are.} there is an uncomfortable level of honesty there that no one in their right mind would expose themselves or their family to, unless it’s honestly to fight for their family. The series ends next week, and honestly I’m glad. I truly do suffer through these episodes. It’s a battle between wanting to smack one of them (it varies) and feeling empathy rip out of my chest  for this awful place they’ve journeyed. Haters are gonna hate. People will criticize and Tori is no stranger to this, she knew this going in… I’d suspect there is so much edited out, how could there not be? It’s weeks of footage put into less than 7 hours of tv.

Is it real? I believe it is. I have a lot of reasons I won’t get into here, because they aren’t important, or the point. My point is: is this high quality, well-written tv? No. Is this even “entertaining”? Absolutely not. But it is honest, and tragically, so relevant. And brave. Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Adulthood is hard. Life is hard. Sometimes we just need to get through it. I get through it with a little bit of tv, every now and then and Tori apparently gets through it by putting her darkest moments and breakdowns on tv. I’m sad for them. I’m sad for these kids. We’ve sensationalized celebrities so much, and project either complete idolization or venom at them that we seldom award them the opportunity to be people. These are people, parents who obviously love their kids, these are people who are fighting for a marriage. It doesn’t matter how they met… It really doesn’t. I have friends who have the very same beginning to their marriages and I would never (EVER) tell them they deserve infidelity because of how they got together. Just because these two are celebrities doesn’t mean they do either…

All of this was a really wordy way to say that we need to be so much more compassionate… Whether it’s about what we think is valuable or what our opinions are of others.

 

en-cour-age…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay10 Comments

encourage-compromise    Encouragement might look different for each of us. I know that it will likely always be one of those mysteries… We can’t actually see it, or touch it, yet we feel it and crave it- therefore knowing it is real.

Since March of 2012 I have been on a journey that has led me through my darkest hours. I’ve been deep within the trenches of darkness and depression at times, and I have contemplated the long hike up the hill towards hopeful optimism at others. The last year has been better than the previous, but only because the bad details were different. There has been a lot of isolation and aloneness, which I honestly don’t like. The first year found my husband and I purging our lives of relationships which were not healthy for our family. We had sort of known for a while, because of how they made us feel, but due to the circumstances that year brought along, our eyes were finally opened to the way those people viewed and treated our kids (as well as us) and we just couldn’t stand it any longer. It was easier than we would have thought, though admittedly, it was sad that it took us so long to see it.

This past year though, was different. An unexpected job change had us relocating to the other side of the country again and frankly, I wasn’t at all interested in leaving my friends. I have a core group of friends that I love and adore and being close to them (geographically) had become (what felt like) vitally important. And yet, here I was, thousands of miles away. Already struggling with depression and things just seemed to go from bad, to worse, (to worse.) Other friendships I had struggled to maintain, mostly one-sided, really took their toll on me and suddenly living in what felt like complete isolation altered my perception and opened my eyes yet again. The growing, it’s not comfortable or pleasant but it’s necessary and on this side of it, I am so grateful. Through the process I’ve learned so much about friendship, and about being a friend… And about encouragement…

Like I mentioned before, maybe it looks different for each of us. Maybe there are those of us who are content with a greeting card variety of some one else penned phrases and little genuine effort. I am not that person. The most encouraging thing someone can do for me is make an effort in my life. {The opposite is true too though, the most discouraging and hurtful thing is to disrespect me by ignoring/dismissing me.} The biggest thing I’ve learned however, is that I am my MOST encouraged by being an encouragement to others. I let the light into my darkness most, by intentionally being a light to others. Maybe it’s supposed to be that way… Maybe it isn’t. Maybe I’m weird, maybe I’m a slow learner. I don’t know… All I know is that this recent process in my life kiln, these past two years have shown me that I am my most encouraged when I simply love others actively, genuinely and intentionally…

 

{Image credit}

Do you Flex?

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay2 Comments

fitbit-flex-xlSeveral months ago I got a Fitbit Flex, which I thought was AWESOME. I loved it! While I was super excited to measure my steps/activity, I was really excited to monitor my sleep… I am a really bad sleeper and spend a lot of time exhausted. I feel like a whiny baby about this so having something that could keep track and tell me seemed helpful.

I was loving my Flex. Seeing her there, on my wrist, motivated me to get moving… I was up and busy constantly, (though not out walking, as the extended Michigan winter was a little tough to live with.) and averaging about 2-3,000 steps a day. I figured, because I knew that I was staying active, that this was good.

Until…

Until our good friends jumped on the bandwagon, and a couple of days later my husband, succumbing to peer pressure, boarded as well.

Suddenly they are all getting 8-12,000 steps a day and I’m stuck wondering what the crap is wrong with me, and why am I so miserably lazy, as I frantically run up and down stairs to do laundry, etc. Then, one deceptively sunny day in March, my husband and I had the rare gift of a “same day”. By this I mean, we did the EXACT SAME THINGS. Neither of us walked anywhere, without the other. When we realized this, we logged into our apps to see our steps. While his was showing 12 steps under 8,000 steps, mine was showing 2211 steps. Thus proving something was off.

I did loads of research, because I am a research queen, and learned about setting my stride. I did that and it improved some, but we will still intentionally start some days out the same, to test it, and he averages thousands beyond me. According to what I’ve been told, some people glide, and I must be a glider.

Whatever.

Who cares anyway, right? Which is sort of true. Before I had any friends with Flexs of their own, I was really motivated and proud. Now, when I look at the list of my friends and I’m at the bottom with my ridiculous step counts, knowing that it would be IMPOSSIBLE to be more busy most days (plus, I go to the gym) it’s super discouraging.{Example: last week my husband hurt his back at work and was home for a day. I had to take him to the doctor. He walked from bed to the living room, from living room to the car, car to dr, dr to home, home to bed. Maybe throw in a few trips to the bathroom and that’s his day. Meanwhile I walked the dogs multiple times, was up and down three flights of stairs throughout the day, all day, went to the pharmacy TWICE (at Target), went to the grocery store, took Gen to school, did cleaning, etc… And his fitbit showed him at more steps than I had. HOW???? How I beg you?)

But, I need to stop caring about that. And while my friends, who I essentially talking into getting FBF’s (it’s a growing list, btw) all see me ranking the bottom of the list and relish in the irony- I just need to shrug it off, do what I do and be happy that it accurately monitored the 2 hours and eleven minutes of sleep I got last night.