It was all about me, after all…

Sometimes I whine too much… Sometimes I can become that horrible woman who complains far too excessively that I fail to see the beautiful blessing before my own face due to the obesity of my self inflicted misery. 
Though not always, sometimes days like holidays where I am “supposed” to be the focus, (i.e. birthdays and Mother’s Day) and days where I am miserably sick are days that fit that description. 
I’m not proud. 
When I woke up horribly sick on Thursday morning, (Thank you, broncial flu-like misery who has taken up residence in my body!) I was determined not to let this weekend fall victim to my stupidity. I sucked it up and behaved well (although increasingly sicker) throughout my husband’s birthday festivities over the weekend. I spent time genuinely laughing with my beautiful daughters, husband and our friends. 
It was nice… 
By the time Saturday afternoon rolled around though, my fever had spiked and it was clear that I was not doing myself any favors by pretending I was absolutely fine. My pity party train arrived and I was sad that Mother’s day would be a total bust… 
But it wasn’t! 
Plans were changed to accommodate my homebound state and my family pulled off what may be my most fabuslous Mother’s day ever… 
Amazing crepes, for breakfast, with both girls and Chw. It was perfect… 
Genny created an “at home” day spa for me, complete with Ambient spa music, low lighting and gentle speaking. She presented me with a “menu” of services to choose from. Her menu included never ending cups of steaming tea, fruit skewers, yogurt dip and chocolates. 

 I chose a Eucalyptus and Green tea hand soak and manicure, A milk and honey foot soak and pedicure and a half hour peaches and cream facial. Divine…

 I also got the most amazing cards… Being a word girl, i have a soft spot for cards and all three of my kinds managed to find the BEST cards. Each one specifically spoke of things which seemed to be just in reference to our relationships… Very moving and lovely words, both the pre-printed and the hand written. (and they all three picked out blue floral cards, which is pretty funny. The pink one is from my husband…)

Added bonus was, it was Sunday so I got to skype with Lucas! It does my heart so good to see that boy’s face. Makes the miles between Idaho and Germany feel somehow smaller.

My husband brought me two dozen roses and also gave me some hair products i’ve been wanting (to go along with the “pampered” theme, chinese take out for dinner and entertained me with Glee Karaoke, which was super fun. Over all, though i’m not feeling any better- my heart is feeling so full and blessed by my beautiful family. I truly am a “simplicity” and quality time girl, and my family really made me feel loved and appreciated… 
I guess, in a way, I also gave myself that gift by not allowing my miserable moments to overcloud my life vision. 
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Just one of those days…

Some days you just need some something special…
Some days you might need to snuggle on the couch with your favorite blanket and your favorite movie… 
Some days you might need a glass of wine or two… 
And some days you might need some comfort food… 
And chocolate… 
Or both. Put together… 

And some days you might need all of the above… 
Hello, today. 
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Liberation…

Awhile back I blogged about Kelly and really touched a nerve with a lot of you out there. You may not always comment, but my goodness- that post really brought forth the emails, sharing your own broken hearted friendship stories. I loved connecting with so many others, but my heart has remained heavy over the tremendous sadness I read about us doing to one another all under the guise of friendship… 
In that post I touched on my own responsibility to the outcome. While I may have been hurt, the reality is- it is MY decision whether or not I move on or lesson my vulnerability in future relationships. The other thing I may have failed to mention was that I was still facebook friends with Kelly. 
Actually, that isn’t entirely true. You see, i became facebook friends with Kelly AFTER the fact. With every birthday or anniversary I’d wonder will Kelly comment? When a really great photo was uploaded I’d wonder Did Kelly see it? It’s sick, really. 
It wasn’t just her either. My birth father, who has made it quite clear he wants nothing to do with me, was also my Facebook “friend.” {????? I know…} and on rarer occasions those same thoughts would pop into my mind in regards to him. Sometimes I’d go onto Kelly’s page and see the comments declaring what an amazing friend she is, or how unbelievably selfless and wonderful she was. I’d cringe, (maybe, between you and I- gag a little) and then proceed to slip into a grumpy funk for the rest of the day. 
It was all so stupid, and yesterday my truly lovely friend helped me see that. We were discussing my Kelly, and the old “friend” in her life who was her own “kelly”. The topic of Facebook came up and i questioned why I kept myself in such emotional bondage, and why? In some cases I was afraid of what they’d think if I deleted them. Can you imagine? Ridiculous, right? 
So, I declared it a Facebook purge day. I went in and deleted… and Deleted… i deleted Kelly and good portion of our mutual friends. I deleted my father. I let go (and let go) of people. 
And it felt great. 
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