Liberation…

Awhile back I blogged about Kelly and really touched a nerve with a lot of you out there. You may not always comment, but my goodness- that post really brought forth the emails, sharing your own broken hearted friendship stories. I loved connecting with so many others, but my heart has remained heavy over the tremendous sadness I read about us doing to one another all under the guise of friendship… 
In that post I touched on my own responsibility to the outcome. While I may have been hurt, the reality is- it is MY decision whether or not I move on or lesson my vulnerability in future relationships. The other thing I may have failed to mention was that I was still facebook friends with Kelly. 
Actually, that isn’t entirely true. You see, i became facebook friends with Kelly AFTER the fact. With every birthday or anniversary I’d wonder will Kelly comment? When a really great photo was uploaded I’d wonder Did Kelly see it? It’s sick, really. 
It wasn’t just her either. My birth father, who has made it quite clear he wants nothing to do with me, was also my Facebook “friend.” {????? I know…} and on rarer occasions those same thoughts would pop into my mind in regards to him. Sometimes I’d go onto Kelly’s page and see the comments declaring what an amazing friend she is, or how unbelievably selfless and wonderful she was. I’d cringe, (maybe, between you and I- gag a little) and then proceed to slip into a grumpy funk for the rest of the day. 
It was all so stupid, and yesterday my truly lovely friend helped me see that. We were discussing my Kelly, and the old “friend” in her life who was her own “kelly”. The topic of Facebook came up and i questioned why I kept myself in such emotional bondage, and why? In some cases I was afraid of what they’d think if I deleted them. Can you imagine? Ridiculous, right? 
So, I declared it a Facebook purge day. I went in and deleted… and Deleted… i deleted Kelly and good portion of our mutual friends. I deleted my father. I let go (and let go) of people. 
And it felt great. 
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10 thoughts on “Liberation…

  1. *Applause* We treat our belongings better than our heart sometimes. If it's not blessing me, and I can't bless it, then I throw it out. I don't want to "throw" people out, but sometimes when they are doing you no good – you just haf'ta. Way to go girl. You inspire.

  2. hooray to freedom… i too had a Kelly. At times I would cry because I missed her. recently when i was OVER it…she too became a blogger… continuing her tradition of unauthenticity but I am OK now… she can't shake me. believe me heaven is for those that are true to themselves… stay strong you will find lovely connections in your journeys.

  3. Ditto! Good for you! I've thought about whether I want to get back on facebook or not. So far it's been a pretty big "no," but I do miss some aspects of it. I do know that if I ever re-open my account the first day will be spent narrowing down my friend list.

  4. Awesome! I confess that when I've felt obligated to accept a friendship (it's complicated) on facebook, I initially did the same thing. Hated seeing the posts and got upset and then boycotted fb. Then I discovered you could block yourself by seeing the post AND block the person from being able to see/comment on your full profile. I did those things, and it's so much better now! Ignorance is bliss ;-)

  5. I love Facebook, but I think it can often become a place where we let bad feelings linger. I too need to do some Facebook "housekeeping" and get rid of some "un-friends" but there's some sick part of me that likes to "check in" on these people. Ugh!!!

  6. All through life we come across those friends who are dear to us and just occasionally a toxic person. It may take a while to determine that somebody is toxic but when I do I stop spending time on and with them, and do you know what – they rarely call to see why I am not in contact with themI wrote a blog on the subject of friends the other day. In writing that it brought a lot of things to the surface.Look after your good friends and 'trash' those that are toxic to you. Well done for taking the action with Kelly and your Dad.

  7. This is my first time to your blog. I will go read your 'kelly' link after this…but I just wanted to say that this is one of the reasons I deleted my facebook account in January. I only had it because friends had urged me to get one, but it really was unhealthy for me because I found myself feeling differently about 'my friends' after reading things they wrote. It was disheartening for me and I didn't want to feel that way about people I love anymore. I really don't think it is a healthy way for any of us to relate with one another. Makes me think of Psalm 51…the need to keep our hearts clean so we can truly care about one another.

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