Facebook has the potential to be this really cool thing. In a life that’s so busy with rushing, working, juggling and stressing- it allows us the opportunity to maintain long distance friend and familyships without really sucking a lot of effort out of us. Ironically, for many, Facebook is also a huge time suck, but whatever…
Facebook is also great when it comes to building your business. I learned this well, a few years ago, when my husband and I started a small photography adventure.
Facebook is a powerful, powerful thing.
Power isn’t always awesome.
I’ve heard of marriages breaking up over reconnections. I’ve seen the same stupid sort of bullying happen online, and I’ve seen people get truly hurt.
In fact, I got hurt. While I will be the FIRST to admit that I am not a perfect person- this scenario was one where I really did nothing but believe in the goodness of people.
A couple of years ago my high school best friend resurfaced and friend requested me on facebook. This request came complete with a long message about his* life now, a huge apology and other random little updates. It had been a really long time since we had seen each other. (like 17 or 18 years.) {*because of the history of our marriage and my husband’s affair early on, Chw and I very guarded about this sort of thing. Before I accepted the request, he had read the message and was very much a part of the conversation between us from the beginning. Chw is also an amazing husband and he knew how much the lost of this friendship had hurt me early on so he was beyond excited for us be in touch.}
Messages continued for a couple of weeks. Surface stuff about our families, careers, etc. Then, suddenly he was going out of town for work. He sent me his number and asked me to text or call him that weekend. Again, Chw and I talked about it and decided that a text was best. So I texted him. The next day his girlfriend (of almost the entire time I hadn’t seen him, but I didn’t know her personally) facebook messages me the most heinously vile attack I’ve ever read. It was akin to a Jerry Springer episode in an email. Thinking she misunderstood (While Chw was just really angry and protective of me) I tried to explain to her that I was happily married and that my husband was right there, involved, and nothing sordid was going on. Of course, she didn’t believe me. It was too much, I felt horrible for having put her in that position so I sent him a quick note explaining that I knew what being betrayed in a relationship felt like- and that I felt awful to have her feeling that way because of me. It literally made me sick. I unfriended him and moved on.
Months later, while our family was on vacation, he recontacted me. Once again he had an apology, this time for her. He explained he had been unfaithful many times and she was defensive, BUT that things would be better this time. I was skeptical, but Chw was beyond skeptical. Sure enough, a few days later, her emails came again. I was called a whore and a husband stealer. It was ridiculous drama that, high school best friend or not, my time was far too valuable to deal with.
Roughly a year after that, he contacted me again. I was curt, at best. He and my husband worked near each other and Chw suggested maybe they meet for lunch and hang out. He wanted to talk to him about how this garbage was not ok and that we had no room in our lives for this nonsense. We do operate on a ZERO DRAMA policy, and honestly- I love it. Of course, this “friend” never did follow through with that, but his daughter did contact me in the in-between time, blaming me for destroying her family and stealing her dad. I was done. My husband was beyond angry at this point, bless his heart.
I never blogged about this because it was a waste of time. The entire story is stupid and irrelevant. I had worried for years about this friend because there had been drugs and poor choices involved. I reconnected with him long enough to learn he’d cleaned up and had a lovely family. As far as I was concerned, this was a happy ending. MY marriage and MY family are my top priorities, every time. Whatever was said or went on between he and his family- that was their business. It’s been almost a year, and I honestly very seldom even think about any of it… That is, until I hear from a “friend” that they were told a very different story about what happened. Then, another mutual friend relates a tale to me about how I am a whore and husband stealer. Baffled and in tears, I show the text to my husband.
The moral of the story is, sometimes we can guard ourselves, protect ourselves by doing things the right way- and still get hurt, with our reputation decimated in the process. I guess. the moral of this story, kids, is that at least I prioritized what was important and my husband and family are great. We did talk to our kids about what had happened (er, was happening, since it’s all of a sudden a gossip mill of cruel fabrications out there…) and hopefully it will be some sort of a social media lesson- though I don’t know of what.
rainydayinmay.com 