Mae @ Rainydayinmay

Today I choose…

Published on February 28, 2014March 1, 2014 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay8 Comments

I choose to love, not because I’m loved.

I choose to give, not because I receive.

I choose joy, even in the bitter, not as an insult to others whose bitter may break their hearts. My joy may be a matter of my own survival, my own lifeline.

I choose grief. Grief for the losses, grief for the sadness in the world around me.

I choose not to dwell on so much joy that I fail to see such grief, just as I choose not to dwell on such grief so that I fail to see the joy.

It’s easy, in this life of to-do lists and agendas, to embrace the smaller choices, like exactly how we want our cappuccino or which accessories we want to layer our apparel with. It’s easy, with so many decisions, to trick ourselves to believing we are empowered by these mini, irrelevant choices. Decaf soy, one pump of caramel, light foam. It becomes a part of us, these silly words spoken, that they boost our feathers as we speak them. As we generally drink our overpriced indulgence though, are we thinking of the joys in those very moments, the ones that matter beyond our lips? The barista who served with a smile? What about the instance when our detailed drink description wasn’t quite met? Are we handling those with love? When our breakfast order substitutions come back wrong and runny, do we still proudly embrace great choices?

I can honestly say my answer is no.

We’ve become a culture cloaked in the power of the mini-choice. Which tv shows to watch, of the hundreds. Which bands to love, which movies to see, where to have dinner, which books to read. We cling so tightly to all of these choices that we forget that these are all entertainment based luxuries and sometimes we (I) fail to embrace (or even acknowledge) the real decisions staring me in the face…

This post was written as a part of Five Minute Fridays, and I’m joining Liso-Jo’s link up as we all take five minutes to write using the same one word prompt.

On Noah and John Snowden…

Published on February 27, 2014 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay2 Comments

I’m about to cross lines here that I’ve not crossed before. While I’ve written some, about my faith, and I’ve written a lot about my love of film, I don’t think I’ve ever really written about them both, together. I hope you’ll stick around anyway, as I think it’s a pretty good thing to discuss, whether you are a person of faith or not.

By now I’m sure you’ve heard all about how the soon-to-be-released major motion picture Noah is so controversial for this reason, or that reason. I’ve been following press on this film for about a year now, and admittedly was completely blindsided by all of the negativity that is suddenly out there about how it’s just a front with some big Hollywood agenda.

This makes me a little sad because, as a Christian, I sit here and wonder why we as Christians have to get so bent out of shape and assume judgement out of things based on here-say, speculation, gossip (let’s face it, when it’s not first-hand knowledge, it’s flat-out gossip) and falsehoods. Sure, has Hollywood ever misrepresented a Christian, or God, or the Bible? of course they have… BUT, every time we open our mouths, “share” that post, forward that email or pass on our best assumptions about a film (or anything that we don’t have firsthand information about), aren’t we doing the same thing? Besides that, as Christians, we should know that we can be persecuted and misrepresented so lets stop acting like victims about it and making ourselves such easy targets.

Back to Noah. I, for one, am thrilled to see this movie. I’m not much of a Russell Crowe fan, anyone who reads here knows this. That being said, I’ve been really excited about the press I’ve seen regarding the production of the film, and have been prompt to dismiss the negative speculation I’ve read. The whole ordeal has become quite a hot topic around our house, actually. We’ve debated about the rumors we’ve read, regarding the film, and discussed them rationally in the context of “so what if they’re true?” All the while, I kept secretly hoping that I’d get an email with a couple of passes so that I could go see the film and come home and write a first hand account, for all of the uninformed haters, about how Noah is portrayed as a human man. Not blameless, or perfect, but human. And that his story is an epic film, spanning in hours, what can be read over the course of minutes in the Bible, so obviously some details, dialogue and character liberties would have to be added. Until I viewed the film with my own eyes though, I felt I couldn’t say such things publicly without being another one of the many speaking without knowing, really.

Then, last night, something wonderful happened. An article on the Christian Post was brought to my attention. This article is written by John Snowden, who has been the film’s Biblical Advisor for the past two years. Having both been involved in the production of, and seen the film, it’s fair to say Mr. Snowden has first-rate information regarding the film and its actual stance Biblically.

Personally, I appreciate his article greatly! I couldn’t agree more with the vitality of his bullet points. I appreciate that he took the time to share not only the reasons why Christians should embrace the film, but also to explain about the things that are a bit different and why. Like, with number 7 specifically. While, apparently there have been people who were upset by the presence of a personified enemy to Noah, I found it thought-provoking. There was so much that happened in the life of Noah, that we know nothing about. If people were so wicked, how do we know he didn’t have hundreds of enemies out to destroy him? Mr. Snowden’s insight is an asset for sure.

While I am sure, there will be many who still aren’t pleased, that will always be the case. It’s enough for me. Granted, I wasn’t really worrying about it. While I was approaching the film with a significant attitude filled with grace and the opportunity to use it as a gift, even if it didn’t all line up with the Bible. (And I have to clarify, I NEVER Expected it to. How many times have we watched a film based on ANY book and not liked the interpretation?) The biggest thing I’ve taken away from the Christian Post article, however, is that it’s good to strike a healthy balance between the levels of grace and knowledge. I’ll admit that, and I’m grateful for that reminder.

Personally, I really enjoy things that inspire me to take something, whether it’s from a Bible passage or a piece of classic literature, and bring it to life with a visual dimension and illustration. The film Noah does that for us. It gives us a glimpse into more than just the candy colored story books that are painted for children, because this is a truly tragic and hopeful story all rolled into one. It’s human. I’m so glad that John Snowden still remains passionate enough about his work on the project to encourage people (not just Christians, but people) to embrace it.

What are your thoughts one the film? On the article?

in twenty-seven days…

Published on February 27, 2014 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay4 Comments

In my year of New, I’ve been learning so much about myself and embracing the life that I have. It seems ironic really, to focus on New and through that you embrace the Old. ha! Anyhow…

I’m growing up, which is a good thing I guess, since I’m weeks away from turning thirty-eight. That’s just a number really, it doesn’t mean much to me. Once, a long time ago, I thought it would. I was sure that I would one day look have a meltdown if I wasn’t my thinnest, prettiest, smartest and most successful version of self by the time I turned 30. {then of course it was 31, then 32, 33… 34… 35… You get the picture.} But really, age is just a number. I’ve known twenty-five year olds who are so mature they put most forty-year olds to shame, and twenty-five year olds who make my 3-year-old niece seem like a braniac with a stable plan. Age is just a number, like a belt size is just a number… We put too much stock in numbers.

My husband is those same weeks, plus forty days, away from turning forty. Unfortunately for him, he does NOT have the same outlook that I have regarding age, numbers, etc. You see, I’m lucky in that I had my emotional life crisis/breakdown the year I turned twenty-five. My poor guy hasn’t had his yet, and he keeps hinting that this birthday might be his downfall.

I made a rather detailed list (with sub-lists, who have sub-sub-lists with post scripts of their very own) of goals for 2014. I wanted to be goal oriented and intentional. So far, so ok. A bit above mediocre, really, but thankfully on my list is also Be Graceful with Self, so I’m on tip-top shape there. {If you’d like to see my progress, it’s here: January}

This is my list of goal progress, new things, or out of the normal bits for me and my life in February…

– I’ve stopped baking artisan bread weekly. I’m not a baker. I kind of wish I were because I’m in love with the idea of baking, and the way baking makes a home smell and feel.* {The * is to point out that I do not like the way the process/act of baking makes me feel… Maybe I need to perfect this more. I don’t know.}

– We bought a treadmill DIRT CHEAP. (Mostly because the husband is a runner and we’re stuck in a seemingly permanent state of Polar Vortex hell.) I’ve really grown to love it more than I expect, though my knee isn’t quite a fan yet.

– Playing the Cello has been a lifelong dream of mine and I actually took a leap and enquired about lessons. I’ve gotten a quote for rentals and the lessons, all of which are fairly doable, a few months down the road, I’d say.

– I’ve been a lover of tea for ages. I’ve had every box or type of tea ever given to me (even cheap, crappy teas) because, hell0- its tea! I wasn’t ever drinking it though, and had to be honest that it was silly to hold on to the clutter and waste of it. Though it pained me (a bit less than I’d expected), I cleaned out my tea jars, tins, tubs and boxes. It’s MUCH simpler now and my home only has teas that I love.

– Gift giving is my love language. It’s how I express (and receive) love. Rewind 7-10 years ago, I bought gifts (and too many) for everyone. Today, I’m much more intentional about the gift, and very selective about the recipient. HOWEVER, it recently occurred to me that it REALLY bothers me if I’ve given a gift to someone and they never acknowledge it. I realized that there have been times that I’ve excused this completely self-centered and rude behavior but was finally honest with myself that, no- I cannot accept that sort of treatment. So no more. Love language or not. I’m done giving gifts to people unless they are a part of my inner circle.

– I’m totally a morning person now. NEVER saw this coming. It did. Miracles happen. *Insert cheesy cliché’ here.*

– I’ve begun wearing a Fit Bit Flex and i LOVE it… LOVE it! I’ve had a few friends join me in FB Flexing and i love that too…

– For our intentional date challenge we did date #2 Fondue night out (super fun!), #3 we snuck out, complete spontaneity to grab soup and a coffee and see a movie we’d already seen, just so we could talk more about it. While we aren’t new to soup, coffee or rewatching movies, the spontaneity and doing it just so we could talk more in-depth about it was a little new to us, so it counted! and #4 went to a local mechanical museum (for vintage arcade games and displays. A little creepy, but my engineer husband LOVED it) and went to an Indian restaurant where we had one of the best meals we’ve eaten in the past eleven months, hands down! (We had some catching up to do after his January time in Australia!)

– I did begin attending the women’s group I mentioned at our church, and I love it. I’ve met some really fantastic women.

– I do not love Valentines Day, at all. I do, however, deeply love my husband. I decided to give him 14 days of (mostly) cheesy/silly gifts leading up to Valentines Day in an effort to really help him feel loved and cared for. It can be hard when you work hard or have to travel sometimes, and I just felt like he needed to know. I don’t know who had more fun, (but again, my love language is gifts so… and his is not, but he still loved it.)

– I’ve started oil pulling, in the mornings. My gag reflex hates me, for the first few seconds, but honestly the results have made me a believer. I’m hooked.

All things considered, it was pretty successful month of NEW… Now March is my birthday month, and I always try to have fairly intentional birthday Months anyway, so I’m excited to see how it pans out. (Hoping we have some warm temps and melted snow… those are pretty NEW ideas…)

Did you learn, do or try anything new this month?

the small…

Published on February 21, 2014 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay5 Comments

On Fridays, Lisa-Jo hosts Five Minute Fridays where she gives a one word writing prompt for a five-minute writing challenge and people link up. Here is my FMF piece for today…

The word prompt was SMALL.

They begin small… Small distractions, small words, small emotions.

Angry things feel righteously justified at first, only tasting sour later, and even then, we can grow so used to the sour flavor we no longer notice.

Tiny moments where one might cling to a vindicated bit of sadness, grief or anger- these moments grow into something with a life of it’s own.

Seldom can such things stay small.

Like a tiny man, scrunch faced and arthritic, this small man climbs on our back and we carry him around. He, in all of his aches and bitterness, he in all of his contankery rage and narrow-minded tunnel vision. We become consumed by the weight of this increasingly more, once tiny man. His ever growing in hate filled voice always near our ear, criticizing and fueling flames.

Eventually we can barely move a step without his joint pains becoming our own. The deep lines in our face show our hard journey, our weathered walk of missed out freedoms and light strolls due to this mean small little man’s place of residence upon our back.

He started out so small.

Just a bad afternoon leading to a resentful soak in the tub, or fuming over a glass of wine. Instead of releasing, one must have held on tight.

I took my little man off today. I sat him on a sweet little park bench, with a coffee he found too hot and too bitter. I kissed him gently on his bald, liver spotted forehead and took small steps as I walked away.

His voice is almost gone now. My back is nearly straighter.

Small things.

Good things.

The Whispers…

Published on February 17, 2014February 15, 2014 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay5 Comments

Last week I was in two separate social settings where someone mentioned similar ideas: If you could only have today, those things which you were grateful for yesterday, what would you have? Ouch. I’m sure it’s a brilliant quote by someone, but I don’t know it. I’m sorry.

And you would think, since I had just heard it a couple of days before, that the second time around I would be owning it a bit more and feeling a tad less wounded, but sadly that wasn’t the case. Since, however, I’ve thought of little else.

Here’s the reality, up until those two instances, I figured myself a fairly grateful person. I keep my One Thousand Gifts journal, I try to take care of the things I have and not covet or wish for the things I don’t. I try to be mindfully appreciative of people, things, gestures and moments. All in all, though I’m imperfect and flawed (naturally) I figured myself not a complete imbecile in the gratitude realm of things.

Well, you know the rest of that story. Ouch. Twice… Because apparently I’m a slow learner.

Since my word for the year is NEW however, I’m thinking maybe it’s time I approach gratitude and being grateful for things in my life from a new angle. Perhaps I stop looking for the fireworks and listening for the thunder, and instead I start looking for the tiny, often invisible bits, while listening for the whispers…

While I’d love to share a grateful list here that included things like “the mortgage we really needed came through” or “that her cancer was cured”, but my life is composed of an infinity of smaller moments that aren’t as explosive in sides, but could be in relevance. These are no less miracles, no less blessings, their volume is just turned down.

The handmade Valentine left on my desk.

homemade peanut butter ice cream.

drips of melted snow, from the deck.

four days of vibrant blue skies.

the fragrance of fresh roses that fill my home.

My husband’s eyes and how they light up when he’s surprised and feels loved.

laughing at a bad movie.

planning birthdays.

real mail amidst the junk mail.

fresh strawberries.

every time he holds my hand.

And sometimes, sometimes they may not look like gifts at first…

the angry words written.

the denied insurance claim.

the unexpected business trip.

the diagnosis.

the truth that you just don’t want to hear.

the frustrating words spoken with someone who should be among your most beloved but you just feel like you cannot do it anymore.

There are times when the baddest, darkest and worst moments in our lives can lead us to paths and moments that will become miracles and joys. As my sweet friend Stephanie inadvertently pointed out, this past weekend, “Sometimes you have to give up on people. Everyone in your life is meant to be there, but it doesn’t mean they’re meant to stay.” And that may not feel like blessing to some, but for me it was. For me, where I was last week, I need that reminder that it’s ok to let myself off the hook. That sometimes people push themselves into a corner and we have no choice but to let them go and there’s nothing wrong with that, and for me, that is both a whisper and a firework.

My eyes, ears and heart are open, and I’m paying attention. It is never too late.

Today it’s-

Pancakes and coffee

lip glass

a great talk with a friend

uninterrupted time to write

ice packs

overhearing sweet conversations

puppy snuggles

What are your whispers?