Author: Mae @ Rainydayinmay

With THE CONJURING 2 in theaters this Friday, it’s only natural to think about scary movies. For some of us, the thoughts are about avoiding them at all costs, but for others there’s excitement at thinking about getting a good scare from our theater seats.

But what about our kids? Especially at younger ages, they can be truly disturbed if they happen to see something onscreen that frightens them. It may not even be a well-made supernatural horror film like THE CONJURING 2 – certainly not for pre-teens – but could be something they see in one of their favorite cartoons that raises fears.

What can you do as a parent when this happens to your son or daughter? Here are a few tips from the experts at Focus on the Family:

• The first thing you need to do is sit down with your child and give them the chance to discuss the film openly. Ask them what they saw, what they thought about it, and how it made them feel. Whatever you do, don’t make light of their fears or dismiss their feelings as silly or immature.

• Once their emotions have been aired, assure your son or daughter that this was only a story, just like the imaginary tales they may have seen in picture story books. Bad things weren’t happening to real people – they were actors playing a pretend game, like they and their friends do.

• Reassure your child that you, as their parent, are dedicated to protecting them. Let them know that it is one of your most important jobs – ensuring they feel safe and are safe. Reinforce that message with plenty of hugs.

• If you are a Christian family, you can explain that God has promised to be with them at all times, even in the midst of danger. Open up the Bible and show them the passages where God promises never to leave us or forsake us (Genesis 28:15; Deuteronomy 31:6, 8; Joshua 1:5; Hebrews 13:5). Pray with them about the scary movie and their fears, and encourage them to pray on their own when they become frightened at night. If it seems appropriate, you can also practice some coping techniques with them, like deep breathing relaxation exercises or visualizing a happy place.

• One last thought: it is definitely not a good idea for you to sleep in your child’s room or to let them sleep in your bed. That will only reinforce the behavior you’re trying to eliminate, encouraging them to act helpless and dependent. So whatever happens, make it clear that you will not be sleeping with them. Instead, find some other way to make them feel secure, like turning on a nightlight for a while or letting them take a special stuffed animal to bed.

Come to think of it, if you go see THE CONJURING 2 and you’re still a little scared even after the credits roll, feel free to take your favorite stuffed animal to bed with you, too.

I thought about entitling this letter Mommie Dearest… Partly because it’s a little sentimental, and partly because- well…

I remember being a child, and your (even I knew at the time) unhealthy obsession with this movie and Sybil. You were so adamant that you loved these movies because you believed they lined up with your childhood and you could relate.

I remember you filing my storytime hours with how awful your childhood had been, and I was so lucky that I was spared such horrors.I knew (and deeply loved) my grandparents, so this wasn’t really something i  believed.  I also remember you wanting nothing to do with me; bad mouthing me to my childhood friends so they would like you more than me; and telling me my coloring was the “shittiest thing” you’d ever seen, because I colored Porky Pig blue; and the incredibly degree of lies you told me always. Straight up BS to get me to nap, or stay out of your hair. I learned, very early on, how crappy it felt to be lied to, lied about and abandoned. I feel like I should say a resounding thanks, mom, as sarcastically as possible. But then again, what healthy goodness can come from that?

We don’t speak now. I’ve dropped a few cards in the mail to you and sent you flowers once. I thought of putting pen to paper and sending you this letter, but  assuming you could actually comprehend it- it would serve no greater good purpose either. Long gone are those spring and summer days when you pounded into my head what a worthless and unlovable piece of shit I was, until I finally gave in and felt that very thing. The days are gone, but this very gesture on your part paved the way for my marriage to crumble and my life to fall apart. While I feel you greatly contributed to this reality I currently reside in, I don’t hold you totally responsible. You were merely a player in what has been referred to as the perfect storm. Now, Chw blames you. He believes if you hadn’t have been coming to Michigan, we would still be ok and together. I guess I view it as irrelevant. It’s irrelevant because we will never know, and blaming you takes the responsibility off of us.

One of the last conversations we had, at the house, before you fell and everything changed for the worse- was asking you to stop trying to turn everyone against me. I remember literally begging you to stop. That I loved you and was trying to help you, and asking you why that was your life’s mission. Well, Mom… Happy Mother’s Day. My marriage is in the toilet, my husband wants nothing to do with me and I rank less than yesterday’s garbage. My youngest tried to take her own life and everything is as screwed up as humanly possible. I gift this to you because I know that it would bring you so much joy. And part of me has always empathized with you. It must have been frustrating to put out for a man who really only wanted to force that out of your little girl instead. When I look at my life reflectively I see that you have always treated me like the Other woman. Your disdain. My husband grew to treat me similarly while we all still lived under the same roof. You would have loved knowing that. i’m sorry I hadn’t shared that with you. I was so busy trying to salvage my life and not want to kill myself every morning when I woke up. My depression was out of control, you may remember. Or, you may not, because you only ever wanted me to worry about your narcissistic drama. You ridiculed me for seeing a counselor, which in hindsight was exactly what I needed- just not that particular counselor- but that wasn’t your point. Your point was that counseling was only for stupid people who were insane. On that note, I wonder how you may have benefited from therapy, when you were younger. What would have been different for me, for you, for us?

I fell last week. A woman in a family lineage of fallers, you would have loved that too. You would have criticized my shoes and told me I looked like a fat whore and then you would have loved that I fell. I don’t care except that it is very sad that my psyche’s number one response every time something bad happens is My mom would have loved this. Today when my husband shouted Fuck You Bitch at me and I was so taken a back, I realized you would have loved that maybe most of all. At least next to the fact that my life is painfully alone. You would love it all. Every ugly moment of it, and I have never expected any less of you. Every ounce of self doubt, worthlessness and heartache is rooted to you. It would be impossible for me to ever have any value to you, and i’m ok with that.

I’m spending mothers day without any of my kids. It’s my first one alone. All of the holidays in the last months have been living nightmares and I’ll likely never want to celebrate any of them again. I can’t help but feel like you, with your hatred of any type of celebration. Maybe I am you. Just like you. Maybe I am an evil woman and I just can’t see it, like you never could. Maybe my husband wised up and got out just in time. I’ve thought these things a lot over the past 6 months. I have questioned often “what is so bad about me that I am disposable?” And no one will answer. If you had ever asked me something similar, I’m not sure I would have told you the truth either.

Happy mother’s day, mom. Maybe, like I believed I had, you felt like you were doing your best. Maybe you truly believed the lies you crafted about your horror filled childhood. Maybe you were so desperate to matter to someone that you actually gave my innocent childhood horrors. Maybe, despite an upbringing balanced out with other mother figures, because you were incapable, I ended up becoming just like you… I hope you get a day filled with love from someone. I hope that, if you truly feel you did your best, that you are rewarded for that somehow. I wish you peace and love…

M

After years of film critiquing, my friends know me as a bit of a film snob. I’m ok with that, I wear it proudly… That being said, the one exception I have is Hallmark movies… I love them! At Christmas, Valentines Day, Flag day- (totally kidding! I don’t think there are flag day movies, but if there are, I’d bet Hallmark is responsible…) they are my go-to, feel good heart warmers.

It is for this very reason that I’ve been salivating over the FeelN channel. It is like the wonderment of all the heart warming things, all at once. Imagine my complete excitement when I learned they were launching their very own series entitled The Eleventh.

This series starts TODAY, but I had the honor of screening the first couple episodes and all I can say is YES. If you’re with me, regarding the feels, this show is for you. Just in time for Mother’s Day, the Eleventh follows a college bound Janey as she is coping with her Mother’s death. The mother left Janey with the responsibility of reconnecting with her estranged maternal grandmother (Cloris Leachman!!!!). It is moving, but not too syrupy or heavy- in just that perfect way that good heartwarming things are. Click here for the trailer…

What do you think??? I can honestly say I was hooked and wanted to binge watch it right then and there… A little mystery, heartwarming goodness and the trifecta of heart warming stars from our childhood: Florence Henderson, Ed Asner & Cloris Leachman make for a delightfully divine combination!