I was an avid fan of both Sex & the City, and The Good Wife. In each series, I noticed I had a sensitivity to the roles actor Chris Noth played. While other women I knew were vehemently Team Big, I found infinite reasons why he was not the man for Carrie. It would be well past the lifetime of the first series, and likely two-thirds of the way through the Good Wife before I realized that Noth reminded me of my stepdad. It wasn’t that they shared the same mannerisms or voice, but there were similarities in their appearance.

It reminded me of the first time I watched the Super Bowl. I was at a youth group party and there was some screen time with John Elway which would be the first time I ever recall being triggered. While also not identical twins, there were parts of his features that reminded me of my stepdad.

Stepdad is a funny term. He was actually the only “dad” I had growing up. I called him daddy. In truth, my mom was his (not so secret) mistress and he wasn’t really any sort of dad to me at all. He was someone else’s dad. Plus, he was my abuser. It was complicated…

While you may look at photographs of Chris Noth and John Elway side by side and think they look nothing alike, I see something in them that reminds me so much of him. I’m not going to say that this is any indication of the guilt regarding the allegations against Chris Noth, but I am going to say I wasn’t surprised when I heard them. And maybe that isn’t fair because it isn’t his fault he reminded me of my child molester.

It also isn’t my fault that I cried when Big died, in the reboot. I cried because though I struggled to not associate him with my “stepdad”, I also had grown to love him too.

Just like with my stepdad.

Like I said, life is complicated. At any rate= Believe women. Yes, sometimes they lie, but even in those lies there is going to be some shred leading to a truth.