on writing and authenticity…

Something out of nothing.

That is what every day, as of late, has felt like. Mixed signals out of innocent responses, hail storms out of calm. An impomptu meal whipped up from a fridge adorned with scarcity. Something out of nothing. Like me. Like this. I wrote out my heart for years, for myself. I focussed on the numbers and paid attention to who commented on what, where they hailed from and what they’d said. Social media found ways to feed my need for something- but bigger. Once upon a time my heart beat for everything out of nothing, immediately.

I don’t want to go there again, to be that person needing the validation of anyone who wants to summarize my worth or value with an Instagram double tap heart or Facebook thumbs up.

I would like for this little piece of internet real estate to contain something of value, but lets be clear- I want to always be the nothing. I don’t want to crumble if no one leaves a comment and only seven people visit my site. I want to write, because I am a writer.

I want to dream, because I am an artist and a dreamer.

I want to make, produce, believe, become and put myself out there, not for the awe and applause but because it is what I do.

I want for you to read something which grew from {me} nothing, and I want for it so continue to happen. Down the road I want the same nothing to be responsible for books and more than I can comprehend. I want to be the voice which stands within the most imperfectly imprecise body, speaking to a room full of someones. I want my motivation for none of it to be based on the “love” I may receive, because attention is fleeting, but art does live on.

When did being a writer, a photographer or a creator of any kind become so much about the glorification and applause and not about the process?

Today I put the pen to paper for me, for my heart, for my passion. For my breathe…

Out of gratitude, because I have the ability and I am truly thankful for this.

The rest, it’s just noise. When I think about it, it blocks the flow and that is what needs to not happen…