Density…

In the past 36 hours I have consumed many kettle chips, one protein bar, several cans of Zevia, a hostess cupcake (disgusting) and cuddled a sad and sickly little Knightley. I have talked to three different vet techs, yelled and hung up on one, taken one shower, inhaled three cups of coffee, binge watched Netflix and finally fell asleep to Buffy on Hulu.

Sometimes the only things we can expect of ourselves is to just be. Sometimes even nothing sounds most difficult, and other days we may find ourselves fully equipped to tackle the world.

The members of my household recently embarked on a journey which many may not understand. Some may deem it therapeutic, others oddly religious, and while I went into it with an edge of skepticism, I am finding there is something to it. As with any method of confronting past hurts and habits, it stirs… It has certainly stirred me, deep within. It has led me to self realizations and AH HA moments, And in other ways it has led to frustrations and distress. When I left my last session, I was quite irritated, and between you and me, I am really dreading my appointment tomorrow.

As I said though, in this I am not alone. My husband and youngest have also attended their own sessions. And though we aren’t really discussing what is unfolding in our private sessions, emotions have been high and meanness feels easier to come by. Perhaps it is hard to navigate through the unearthed without damage. I’m not sure, but that seems to make a lot of sense. No matter what each of us is muddling through, at the end of each day I am responsible only for myself. Myself, my reactions, my words and my doings…

Some days life is heavy. Some moments are affected by other things. My last post was painfully honest about where I was, how I was, what I was feeling/thinking/seeing/believing. Perception is subjective. Each of us could sit down and write our own reflection and though the heart part of it would be as real as it could be, maybe it is not actually true.

And sometimes maybe it is.

I have received a lot of sweet notes, emails and texts about yesterday’s post and for that I am thankful. So, to you, thank you. Is my post simply the truth of my perspective, or the reflection of my reality? It doesn’t really matter because it is mine all the same. To those of you who reached out, thank you for reading and allowing me to be right where I am.

Tomorrow may find me knee-deep in more kettle chips, nursing a gigantic Starbucks coffee or reading an entire novel front to back. Maybe I will begin or end my day with a long bath, or manage a yoga session. I take a lot of peace in knowing that, whatever my day holds, I will find the courage to attend my session and, should I need a place to collect my pieces, you will be right here to listen.