a few words on love…

It is amazing what can change in a month.

In one little summer month, I took a complete break from blogging {both reading and writing them} to focus on other writing projects, finishing up summer classes and spending time with my family. I was optimistic about the wonders that July would hold. I was also just starting a preventative migraine medication that I optimistically hoped would change my life.

Life seldom turns out like we expect it to. At best, we should keep our expectations low and our eyes looking upward and our feet moving forward. If I make it through a day managing that basic recipe, I consider it a good day.

July was a hard month for us. It was pretty much hell physically, with this medication adjustment and issues that arose from it- (some of which were physician issues, leading me to change PCPs and pretty much start over.) A little over a week of it was pretty rotten in the way that last year was, for us, but we made it through and keep telling ourselves (Chw & I anyway) that we are better for it.  It’s amazing how much can change, in just a few short moments… Moments otherwise small, that grow larger than life and world altering.

In a sweeping gift, whose irony is not lost on me, I have my favorite film quote preserved onto a piece of wood. “I believe in love. Not just getting it, but giving it. I think that if you’re able to love someone, even if they don’t know it, even if they can’t love you back, then it’s worth it.” {It’s from the movie Gosford Park.} And I have to say that even on this side of broken hearts and hopeless outlooks towards tomorrow- I still do believe in love. I believe that, as people, loving others is truly the best we can do. They won’t always love us back. Sometimes they’ll choose not to, sometimes they can’t. It shouldn’t matter though, because real love is a gift given. We live in a world more jaded and bitter than ever, shutting the opportunity for real love out. Our society has tricked us into believing love is cheap and comes in the color of amber that burns as we drink it down, or feels sticky between our thighs when he/she never actually knew our name. These things aren’t love. Love requires constant giving of oneself, at all cost. It isn’t some gothic and trendy dark, pierced and moody example of pain, but something so incredibly challenging that it’s all together the hardest and most beautiful all rolled into one. This goes for the friendship loves, the familial loves, the romantic loves. Love is the most worthwhile and selfless thing we can do. It gives the homeless and needy warmth, it quiets pangs of hunger. Love fights for justice, rescues the wounded and oppressed… Allowing love also opens us up, exposes us and leaves us vulnerable. Not to sound cliche’ but love hurts.

I’m hurt… Quite possibly the worst my heart has ever been hurt. It’s that I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning, can’t I just sleep all of this sadness away type hurt- but I still believe in love. So there’s that. And I get out of bed. Eyes up. Feet forward…