For the entirety of our relationship we have had quite a few family members who have treated us with extreme manipulation and blatant animosity. For awhile we endured, and then we distanced. Though distancing made our everyday lives significantly more peaceful- the unfortunate times we were with said family members was much worse.
Eventually life found us living on the other side of the country and creating a lovely little urban sort of family. Life also made us parents. there is something about knowing that your kid literally aches for grandparents or aunts/uncles that is pretty heartbreaking. Heartbreaking enough to remove those boundaries and make a pact with your spouse to be extra graceful…
Of course, a majority of the time, it’s the child who gets hurt because selfish and narcissistic people do and say some pretty hateful things. By then though, everything has gotten far more complicated and so you just sort of fumble and cope. That is, until something huge happens like the possibility of losing your child and your family literally breaking in half. Then, life gives you a great big ass kicking and you give the toxic people a chance to step up and save their position in your kids’ lives or get out for good.
Some choices were made, either by pretending we said nothing, or by walking away. Some apologies were said, and life moved on. Until last week. Last week something wicked was said in regards to an amount of money spent (a SMALL amount, at that) to be there for one of our kids when they really need someone to be there. I found myself there again- on the brink of decision. Ignoring the fact that the person saying it really has no idea about parental sacrifice- the words cut me to the core and have forever altered our relationship. It is amazing to me how many people- because a child did not slip and slide themselves from my vagina- REFUSE to acknowledge our kids as ours, and our family as real.
For the gazillionth time I am left shaking my head and wondering what is wrong with people?
No matter though. My life standard is as such: You can insult me, neglect me, ignore me, badmouth me, lie to me or any other ugly thing you want- but do not even think about doing any of that to my kid or you will lose out BIG time. I am blessed to be the mom of three of the most remarkable human beings I have ever known and anyone who refuses to embrace and love the hell out of them can turn around and walk away from all of us.
Because I am done playing games. Games hurt my kids’ hearts and those people aren’t worth it. Having NO family outside of us is far better than the hurt…