dear parents

Dear Parents,

I address this letter generically because, without ever really meaning to, you made my family what it is today. The lessons that I have learned from you have kept my life raft afloat when so many others would have simply sank.

You taught me, father, that the term fatherhood is irrelevant in comparison to things like cowardice and self centered behavior. You denied me, for years, only to draw me in and later shove me out… I learned, from you, what a father should be like and you {regardless of what your loved children feel} are not it. For ages I felt rejection and inadequacy. Then one day it dawned on me- a TRULY good father wouldn’t even abandon one child.
No. A TRULY good father is a genuinely good man… He would man up.

Mom, best or worst of intentions aside- you taught me to fight for the things {and the people} I love. The way I felt, all of those years, when you looked the other way and chose not to fight for me was as close to unbearable as anything has ever been. To even consider someone I love feeling a fraction of that kills me.

As for my stepdad, Charlie, I owe you some form of twisted gratitude as well. Your years of childhood violation and sexual abuse gave me the ability to have an empathy and understanding for my daughter and the abuses she endured before becoming a part of my family. Though, for years, I hated you and what you had done to me- I love the bond that I have with her. You are a monster. You live near a school. These are two things that stay present, at the forefront of my thoughts, every single day… But my silver lining is that I can love my daughter through her healing.

To my dad, the man who invested in me when my father jumped ship and hid- thank you. Everything good I learned from you. The ways a man should treat his wife. The way a father should love his child. The way a man should laugh and be. Because of you I learned that the overwhelming and all consuming love that a parent should feel for a child has NOTHING to do with blood, or DNA, or anything else like that.

Because of the four of you, and your very different efforts I have the perfect family. I have children, not of my womb, whom I love more than my heart knew possible.
I am not a perfect parent… Some days I am probably more bad than good. Irrefutably though, I ALWAYS love my kids.
I ALWAYS fight for my kids.
I would never abandon them. Ever.

So whole heartedly, thank you…

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3 thoughts on “dear parents

  1. In EVERYTHING there is good… and I believe that you were the good to result from a whole lotta bad. I am enjoying reading your letters and hearing your heart.

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