Category: Misc.

Genny, my lovely twelve year old, has been walking around this house treating me, and occasionally her dad, like complete crap. In fact, only when she is involved in exactly what she wants to be doing- is she nice at all. Upon finishing school, her summer days have looked like this: 

1) lay around and read. 

2) Watch a movie or some tv. 

3) lay around and read. 

4) hang out with a friend. 

5) sleep til ten. 

6) lay around and read. 

When reminded to do a chore, she simply says “K”, and retreats to her room to… yep, you guessed it: lay around and read! 

Considering her injury, (which I’ll remind my readers, happened AT A SUMMER PARTY, with her friends and a slip and slide) we’ve been a little lenient on what responsibilities she has. Chw even mowed the lawn, which he HATES to do, while she was sad because she loves it. 

Here’s the thing though…

She just got her first cell phone.* 

And, just in time for vacation, an iPod touch*. 

She started off this week at a sleepover. 

The kid somehow manages to score a Sonic Happy Hour drink almost every day. 

The girl leads a charmed life. 

So this morning, when she wakes up and is right off the bat wickedly mouthed and hateful I asked her “why?” Her response knocked me off my feet and I still can’t seem to close my jaw properly… 

Huh… 

And here I thought I had it bad… What with the cooking, and the cleaning WHILE working from home… With the being treated like garbage by the only person I see consistently every day; and the driving (in a hot car) to the parties and the birthday celebrations and the sleepovers and the movie theater… 

I guess I’ve been wrong. 

Due to law suits, car accidents, Naturopath physicians and other various normal adult life types of things- when my mom’s birthday rolled around this year- I had not one single idea what to do for her. Combine with the fact that she’s essentially home bound, fifteen hundred miles away and has little interest in much- or the ability to do anything. 

It was tough… 

And then, being the party lover that I am, I thought: why not throw her a party? 

So, Gen and I set to work…

Once the Surprise Party in a box was complete- we called her with the specific instructions that when the UPS guy brought it to the door- she was FORBIDDEN to open it without someone else present. (we didn’t care who was there…) 

Each item was individually wrapped and numbered. Then, the entire top of the box was “wrapped”, containing the packages below, and three cards on top. 

Card #1} A handmade invitation to her Surprise Party in a Box! along with instructions on opening them in numerical order. 

Cards #s 2 & 3} “happy birthday mom” and “happy birthday nana” cards, complete with singing (in the cards). 

Beneath the layer of gift wrap were these: 

1} a little birthday tiara

2} a package of “Party Princess” paper cups. 

3} an assortment of bottles of snow cone syrup.

4} an electronic ICEE machine. (she LOVES shaved ice but isn’t strong enough to use a manual one like we have.) 

5} “Party Games” (little card and dice games) 

6} a package of “Party Princess” paper cake plates. 

7} a box of twinkies (her favorite), and a birthday candle.

8} her actual gift. 

Overall, flexible and complete budget friendly- but full of thought and fun. She loved it. Her “guests” loved it… The “party” continued all weekend long… Definite Win there… 

Dear Crazy home owners, who also own an un-named appliance and repair business in Nampa Idaho; 

Thanks for sharing your beautiful, though incredibly neglected rental property with us! Truly, we love how readily you allowed us to come in and fall in love with this house that has so much potential- if only it could have just a little bit of love… 

We were even willing to accept that the two of you, husband and wife, had COMPLETELY different ideas of what property was actually for rent, what the rent and deposits actually were, when the property would actually be available- or what was going on in general… 

We were cautious but non-judgemental when it seemed like two of your daughters were beyond terrified of you- their dad. 

The part we absolutely didn’t love, however, was how once we proved not to be complete morons- you backed out of the rental deal. Really, did you think we would just hand over almost $2,000 to you- 5 weeks ahead of time- when the house still didn’t pass safety regulation due to black mold???? Time and time again, over the 5 entire days that we knew you, you attempted to manipulate and swindle us out of money- and yet we repetitively gave you the benefit of the doubt because you were, after all, just looking out for your family… 

When you finally got the clue that no, we weren’t morons who would just trustingly hand over even 5 cents to you until you owned up to your responsibility as property owners- that you just bailed on the whole thing in search of someone else a little more naive and stupid- you only made yourself the fools. Gloatingly you seemed to get off a little on thinking you’d left our family “high and dry” with no where to go. If only we’d bailed you out of your health code issues, slaved away on your house and paid you for it too... right? Stupid, stupid us… EXCEPT that, we had no desire to move, before finding your house. We haven’t packed a thing. We are still happily in our lease. Our lives, apparently, only changed for the better because we don’t have to deal with you after all. I mean, seriously… You guys are insane, you don’t communicate with one another about your manipulative/deceitful tactics so that you at least appear on the same page, and you are going to end up with a massive law suit on your hands if you don’t own up to the health hazards in your house and your business practices. 

The point of this thank you letter is two fold: 

One: Thanks for showing us your crazy true colors BEFORE we were renting from you and your greedy, dishonest selves. 

Two: While we are going camping, happily settled into our currently lovely home and planning a great family vacation to California- you still have to deal with the black mold and the condition of that house… looks like you’re the fools after all. :)

Sincerely, 

the people you gloated about screwing over who are WAY BETTER off, (and obviously far more intelligent than you are.) 

P.S. 

to further drive home the fact that we aren’t complete idiots, we did talk to the BBB and read reviews about your appliance repair business BEFORE doing any professional dealings with you. THAT is the reason we knew you weren’t a man of integrity and why we were so adamant not to trust your “word” on anything. Word to the wise, buddy, no matter what your religious beliefs are- karma has a way of balancing things out and you, my friend, are a dirty businessmen. Have fun dealing with the effects of that… Need proof about the whole Karma thing? We are good, honest people and life bailed us out of this mess with you before it was too late… 

P.P.S. 

Everytime you guys didn’t seem to have a clue about what your spouse lied about; promised or mentioned- both my husband and I were on the same page. And our kids, they aren’t scared of us… Well that’s not entirely true. Our daughter’s get a little nervous if something spills on the carpet because my husband is super anal about taking care of stuff. {Gosh, it’s a good thing you didn’t let someone like us rent your abused and totally trashed house… } but otherwise, our kids don’t cower in fear of us. 

Welcome to my day… 

My sweet little daughter has a habit of making the worst choices. She has gained, in time, the ability to look ahead at the potential outcome of a situation but she seldom cares. She has admitted that it is well worth the risk, for the times when she “wins” and does not get caught. 

Honestly, I have no idea how to parent that. 

For instance, with school… 

Though she is a compulsive liar and a habitual thief, we hadn’t crossed the threshold of cheating until this week. While she was supposed to be looking up definitions and writing them down, for her spelling words- I was folding laundry in the laundry room. When I returned to look over her work I noticed something fishy. To define each word was one other word. “inspire” suddenly meant “encourage”. “Window” suddenly meant “pane.” I chose to dig out my Nancy Drew skills and get to the bottom of what was going on, and chose the word “inspire” as my starting place. 

M- So, why didn’t you look up inspire in the dictionary? 

G- I did. That’s what it said. You can even check. 

M- That is all it said? 

G- yes! you can even check. I’m not lying. 

M- show me. 

G- It isn’t in there. 

M- What isn’t in there? 

G- Inspire. 

M- Yes it is, Genny. I thought you said this was the definition it gave? (i pointed at “encourage”) 

G- No. No i didn’t. I said that’s the definition the book gives. 

I look at the blank like, in the book, where she wrote “encourage”. 

M- Where? 

G- in the book. 

M- What book?

G- It doesn’t matter.

M- it does. 

G- The answer key. 

M- Show me. 

Turns out she was reading the answers to a match quiz. Joke would be on her, but she wouldn’t let it go. 

G- It’s not cheating because the word isn’t in the dictionary. 

M- It IS cheating, and the word IS in the dictionary. 

G- no it’s not. you are ignorant and don’t know. 

M- look it up. 

I watch her flip through dramatically, wailing. 

G- SEE???? (She shouts, glaring at me.) 

I take the book, go to the pages and find the very lengthy definition for “inspire.” 

M- oh look, here it is. 

G- YOU HATE ME, DON’T YOU. YOU JUST WANT TO RUIN MY LIFE!

{*enter momentary confusion here*}

M- so that you are clear on the seriousness of your words and situation, I am going to ignore your drama and ask you write this definition 10 times. 

G- no. 

M- ok. twenty five times it is then. You drive a hard bargain. 

G- that’s not fair! I haven’t done anything wrong!

M- ok. I hadn’t realized you were out for fairness, let me rethink this. You are right, I’m not being fair to this situation.

G- thank you! finally, someone understands me. 

M- I would like for you to write the definition to each word in the unit (22) ten times each. In cursive. I would like this done, along with your school work by five tomorrow. (it was noon)

Much drama and tears, screaming, etc. followed this. She refused to do anything else for the rest of her very rage filled day. Enter this morning… Chw reminds her of her task/consequence. She ignores him completely. After breakfast and a trip to the library, I remind her. 

G- It is impossible to do all of those words plus school work by 5. 

M- then maybe you should have started yesterday when it was possible. Regardless, I want them done. If it isn’t, worse consequences will have to be addressed. 

Dramatic tears and wailing follow her to the table. Chw packs his dinner and leaves for work. I glance at Genny before sitting down to do my quiet time devotions and see she is writing away. 

20 minutes later she tells me she is done. 

M- with all of the words? 

G- yes. 

M- the entire list? 

G- yep! 

So I check the 3 pages she hands me. The three pages with the definition of “inspire” written ten times. 

M- Where is the rest? 

G- the rest of what? 

M- the rest of your list of words. 

G- What??? This is all you said to do. I was there. you can ask daddy. This is ALL I am supposed to do. 

So, I reminded her. She screamed, wailed and pulled out hair. 

I called my husband. 

He repeated what I had said. Genny, of course, accused him of taking my side for everything. 

He repeated to her she had til 5. (it was noon. exactly 24 hours later) 

When questioned on what she felt a “fitting” punishment would be, her response was “nothing! I haven’t done anything wrong.” 

I’m turning in my resignation. 

Every day someone asks me if Genny’s grounding is done yet… 

I know, right?!?!?!?!

Oh. My. Gosh. This is torture… 

Week one was torture, though the first half of the week (so pretty much, three days) felt almost good. Kind of like “this sucks, but it’s for a good cause” type of good. But, then those three days became an entire, long week. And now, we are into the second one. 

Grounding= worst consequence idea EVER… 

Who came up with this? 

You know the ideal grounding situation, for a parent? The kind where the parent has a live-in, 24 hour nanny. 

And the thing is, I’ve been out of the house. I grocery shopped… I went to mom’s night out, (yes, I did. Even with a low grade migraine. There was no way I was staying home for one more second…) I did a film review and went to this interior design sale. But still, the second I walk back in this house, it is like the dense fog of grounding encloses around me and fifty percent of my oxygen is stolen away. 

I always knew I was claustraphobic. Maybe I’m groundaphobic too… 

Next consequential sentencing we’re going to have to come up with something different!