confession, creative, writing

Depend… (5MF post)

 

Every time I take a moment to contemplate the things I feel I want to do, need to do, or would like to plan for- I am instantly chastised by the voice in my head which tells me to consider pretty much everyone else. For example, I would absolutely love for my husband to be offered an amazing job where we move away from the midwest and start anew. Though this dream sings the song of my heart, for sure, the crushing reality is that it wouldn’t really work. My mom is in a nursing home here and she depends on me… In the day-dream he is given a gigantic raise, making flying out here regularly a possibility- but still…

Every heart-note of my soul song is turned flat by the weights which I feel depend on me.

  • I would LOVE to buy that new dress with this $68, but is that fair to my husband/kids/etc?
  • I would love to buy a ticket and go to New Mexico for a week, but Chw and I have hardly been home together and that is not ending any time soon, and what about the dogs? It’s not fair for him to deal with this on top of working the awesome job he actually has, in real life… 

I love to be needed. I love to be able to help a friend or loved one out. I love for someone to reach out because they know I’m there. These days though, I am feeling a little bit of the weight of the normal adult things depending on me. I want to be free to be/go/do/dream without the crashing reality of adulthood. There are days when life feels filled with others who have that freedom and it magically works out. I am hoping my time to learn that secret happens soon. :)

(this posts is a piece for the Five Minute Friday weekly challenge.)

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5 thoughts on “Depend… (5MF post)”

  1. Great post- I agree, it is hard when there are things we want to do but we don’t feel free to do them because of the people who are depending on us. This sums it up so well: “Every heart-note of my soul song is turned flat by the weights which I feel depend on me.” I don’t think I have learned the secret either, except to recognise that there are times when it’s okay to do something just for us and treat ourselves or make time for something we enjoy. Visiting from FMF #22.

  2. Enjoyed reading your post. Thanks for stopping over at my Wednesday Hodgepodge this week. I’ve bee bowling for 28 years now. Last year my knee started bothering me and it was painful so I would go to bowling but I only throw the ball from the line. I can’t do my approach. So I had a knee replacement 7 weeks ago and now I am still throwing my ball from the line like a 7 year old! Hopefully I will attempt my approach soon.

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