depression, journey, parenting

My red dot…

Today has already held a beautiful morning walk, two cups of rich, hazelnut coffee and a good chunk of time playing with the dogs, in the grass, while soaking in some sun. Emma found a baby turtle, which my daughter and husband are fighting tooth and nail to keep and raise as our own. (meanwhile, I am advocating to return him to his natural life)

Outside was fresh and spring-like, blossoms blowing in the breeze, swirling about us. Puppy paws and denim bottoms are slightly grass stained in that glorious way. Inside, green furry feet nap while sounds of Bach swirl about, in the air. Gen is attending a class online and I am stepping through the tasks and minutes, striving to pause and ground myself in gratitude. This isn’t always easy.

Sometimes paychecks seem smaller than we’d like, but I have to remind myself that they are exactly what we need.

Sometimes disrespect is hurled at us and we have to remember, amidst our frustration and exhaustion that there are mothers who have lost their children and this moment is but a blip on the timeline of a life.

Sometimes the puppy has an accident in the house. Sometimes you get sick and you’re exhausted and feel entirely alone. While all of these things are real, and valid, and current in this house, these are not ALL times, but sometimes. The true value is in the perspective.

Sometimes your husband buys you a bunch of flowers, with his last few dollars, because he knows you love them. Eventually they sit, sad looking, but still feet away from wherever you are because, if you are like me, they bring you such joy.  Life is made of the sometimes, both the bad ones and the good.

Life today is thin, grey curtains blowing in the breeze, the air filled with cello sounds and clean, spring smells. Today is the kettle boiling, soon to become a pot of tea. Today is as peaceful and poignant as I choose to make it, and whatever happens, I choose to make it real…

I am here.

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