Many, many lifetimes ago I blogged about the break of my heart from friendship gone bad. I’m a different person now, and my life is in a completely different place. I bring this up, only because I had this fear that someone would say wait a minute, what about… So I wanted to clarify that yes, that did cause personal issues for me for quite a long, long, long time. But not anymore.
In the past ten months that we have been living in Michigan, my lack of friendship has been near devastating. While this is partly because I don’t know many people, this is also partly because I had to really work through the mentioned above ordeal to form the amazing friendships I had, and then I moved away from them. And while things like text messages and emails and care packages are great, I miss having people. (or at least a person.)
I really, really want a person.
I want someone to share books with, meet for coffee/tea with, someone to go to movies with. I want to know that if I’ve had a crap day and need to escape for an hour, I can have that someone to escape to, even if it’s just to her house because she’s got a family too and gets it. It isn’t just about what I benefit though, these are just the things I’d love in my person. I want to be there for her. What does she need? A babysitter? A shopping pal? A shoulder to cry on? A prayer partner?
We rented a home in Idaho that we never really liked. It was meant to be a “for now” but the complication of moving just never seemed worth it so we stayed. While we resided in the walls of the house we didn’t love, we lived a life full of memories that we did. Millions of memories with our kids, with friends… Holidays and moments. That awful house because home for more than just our little unit. This house is nicer and we love it, but it just hasn’t felt like home for me yet and I think that’s why. It has the nicer walls and the (much) nicer neighborhood, but the life inside seems smaller. I wish it didn’t feel like that. It isn’t that my husband and youngest aren’t enough, it’s that I grew accustomed to the people-full life and I deeply miss it.
I’ve heard all of the answers… volunteer. join a book club. find a church.
I can’t even seem to fit in the work hours I need to right now, so a volunteer job probably isn’t the best option practically speaking.
I am in a book club.
We have found a church. And yes we are involved, and have met people.
I read a memoir last week that had a whole chapter devoted to friendship, best friends and how vital they are in your lives. It went on to talk about the role of a best friend and how if you can find yourself going more than a day or two without seeing or connecting with yours, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship because, as women we wither without the intimacy of close friendship. I literally wept.
Now I am reading a beautiful book, but the author surprised me by sneaking in a chapter on friendship. I wasn’t expecting it. She talked about how she and her friend had lived long distance and after they were married her friend moved across the country, nearer to her, so they could explore the idea of what it was like to be best friends. Sobs.
This is a big area… Surely there is someone out there, right for me?
Please hear my heart in this, I am absolutely not whining, I’m just tired. Soul tired. Ten months of a work demanding husband, ten months of a special needs teen ager, ten months of a lot of pouring out and I’ll be honest- absolutely loneliness… Ten months ago when it occurred to me that I’d be leaving my friends and our very full life, I figured I would be really lonely here, at first. If someone would have asked me what it would be like ten to twelve months after our move, I would have told you confidently that we would have friends and it would be fabulous. It kind of is a little fabulous for everyone but me, and I’m pretty ok with that really. If it had to be unfabulous for anyone, I’d rather it be me.
Honestly, I have no idea how to go from this place to finding a person. I’ve joked about Craigslist. I’ve prayed. I’ve cried. Any tips? Thoughts? advice? Blind dates? HA! Joking about the last one…
(image courtesy of Happy Friendship Quotes)