Love you like a love story…

There really is nothing like a good love story…
For most of us anyway. There are those people so jaded and scarred from life and consumed by their own bitterness that they gag on such things, but for the majority of us- we are magnetically drawn… It’s just part of the human condition. 
But no matter how touching or “romantic” a movie or novel may feel, nothing compares to the real thing. 
I was recently talking with a friend about the fact that her husband had an affair on her. The details aren’t important but let me just say that this was a raw and a humiliating experience. This was several years ago, and through a brief separation and a ton of work they not only worked their way through it, but their marriage is a million times better than it was before. 
And yet… 
And yet, she was at a tea last week when another lady confided that a friend off her’s had just caught her husband cheating. The ladies gasped, on cue, and the gossip proceeded to rant on and on about how her friend needed to kick that worthless man to the curb. 
My friend, having an instant heart for that wife, whom she did not know, and that marriage, spoke up. 
“Adultery isn’t a death sentence, in most cases it’s a wake up call.”
This got their astonished attention. She began to share her story, thinking it an inspirational one. As soon as she was finished though, people chided her weakness and naivety. 
Sad. 
Our talk was mostly about the things she wished she’d said, after that. The things like- Upon getting married, did you pre-nup the mistakes that were “one time and you’re out” issues? What were his? What if your husband heard you gossip to a friend about how irritated you were at him, just that one time, and called it quits? What if your husband knew the things you said to your mother when you were mad at him? I mean, it goes on really… And maybe these things don’t cause black eyes or bruising, but are they not abusive all the same? Do they not hurt? 
Granted… there are awful men who cheat, just to cheat. Men who have no respect for women, or genuine respect for themselves. But my friend’s situation wasn’t like that, and more than likely neither was this woman’s friend’s. 
We are a society conditioned by entertainment… Movies and books tell us what love stories should look like, so we find ourselves continually disappointed when they don’t follow that recipe. When proposals involve less glamour, glitz and T & Co beauty- we plant our tiny seed of resentment, and water it whenever real life happens. 
Therefore, our divorce rates are astounding. 
The moral of my little story is simply this: Cherish your love story. Your REAL love story. The one where your husband may not look like a movie star, but he doesn’t expect you to either. The love story where he is going to make a million mistakes, just like you will, but he loves you anyway- in the only way that a three dimensional, breathing human being can. Don’t trade him in for a one dimensional character because the written stories always have an end, and your love story doesn’t need to be scripted by anyone other than you… 
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Categories: marriage

10 Comments »

  1. P.S. If men gossiped behind our backs the way women tend to…ai yi yi, the divorce rate would be even higher! Can you imagine: a bunch of men, sipping coffee, making snide remarks about our weight, temper, cooking, house keeping, spending, appearance, the way women do in their efforts to "bond" with one another?? We think we're being funny, and yes, sometimes we need to get things off our chests, but yikes. Sanctified gossip is still wrong.

  2. There is such a big difference between nitpicking someone to death, constantly ripping them apart behind their back and needing to get something off your chest… I look at it like this, "Would Chw understand or be hurt if he overheard me say this?" And that's my gauge… But betrayal is betrayal, whether it's gossip or sex. It's a pretty black and white issue, as far as i'm concerned…

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