Conversations…

I had a melt down today.

Literally fell apart. Genny had been pushing my buttons, all day, which were easily pushed (and she loved that) because I was waiting on our local Breast Cancer Detection Center to return my call. See, I have this thing medically referred to as a mass. (Isn’t it funny how, to an entire religion that word is synonymous with holy time… not so much in this instance.)

It was this secret thing, and then it wasn’t. Pretty much the only ones who don’t know are my husband’s family and Genny. And now I’m blogging about it… Which is probably stupid.

They finally returned my call and gave me my own little back-to-back time slot because I have the sheer privilege of a mammogram AND an inductive ultra sound. (I will take this opportunity to point out that the word inductive has never been synonymous with anything good. ha.) The meltdown, however, came when the hospital decided to screw with me for the course of, roughly, an hour- or so. Transfer me here, transfer me there, everyone pretending they are professionally (and tactfully) clueless…

Indeed, good times were not had by all.

I finally hung up on woman 5,363*. (*see- slight exaggeration.)

She did, apparently, phone me right back but I couldn’t click over because I was sobbing hysterically into the phone, with my husband on the receiving end of my melt down. Go ahead… Talk about how, although disorganization and phone ridiculousness is frustrating- it isn’t quite melt down induction worthy… It’s ok, I would tell you that you were right.

When this woman, at her climactic point of rudeness, insulted me- however- I asked her if there were other option in the valley.

her- oh yes, there are many offices in the area.
me- how can I go about being seen at one of them instead of your facility?
her- well, you will have to do it through your physician.
me- then why did my doctor tell me yours was the only clinic?
her- well… (this is where her voice gets completely condescending and she begins talking to me as though I were a mentally handicapped five year old, her tone dripping with overly polite nastiness) because you have a large mass in your breast. do you understand that? a mass. mass. A mass, which is like a lump but bigger. you can’t have a mammogram screening because a screening is to see if there are problems. you. have. a. problem. there is something wrong, and it is quite possibly life threatening. Any other questions?

I was speechless… She eventually put me on hold, and after 9 minutes I was crying so hard, I hung up.

It’s not like I didn’t know there is a problem. But I honestly, up until that moment- had not been worried. At all.