Category: marriage

The Cheating and the Cheated…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay7 Comments
At it’s core, adultery is simply betrayal…
And yet, anyone who has ever been somehow connected to an adulterous affair can tell you that there is nothing simple about it. In most cases, hearts are broken, families are decimated, and usually everyone even slightly associated with the marriage affected sees their own lives altered and affected in unexpected ways… 
I remember… 
When my husband cheated on me, back in 1999, I had people (well meaning people, who loved us) ranting to me about how much my husband’s actions had hurt them. We divorced. Friendships were broken. Two years later, when we (him and I) decided to pursue reconciliation, those same people were the ones shouting the loudest, telling me to steer clear of him and run as fast as I could- in the other direction. 
Every situation isn’t mine, and I understand that. Still though, I’ve been wondering how many people would be able and willing to forgive and heal, if the people in their lives would support them? So often, as we support loved ones, we tend to merely push our own agenda based on our own hurts. 
Back to betrayal. Most of us are guilty. Maybe it’s not sexual, but what about a long conversation with a co-worker about how unhappy we are at home? What about constantly spilling, to a girlfriend, about our husband’s faults and flaws? How are these not also, betrayals? So you’ll say But Misty, it’s not the same! No, it’s not the same, but in any relationship the standard should be “You are either FOR me, or AGAINST me.” 
And folks, it really is that simple… 
Not every marriage can survive a betrayal, and that’s sad because like I said, hearts are broken and families wind up torn apart. When you find yourself in the “friends and family members” category of that situation, (and unfortunately, with the divorce rate what it is- you probably will) do everyone a favor and wake up every morning- let go of your hurt- and love that person/couple. Even if it’s something you have to wake up and do, everyday, for the rest of your life.
 Just do it.
Let go and love…
Whether you understand, or don’t. Whether you approve or not, because it’s not about you. You may have been super close, but you weren’t there when the doors were closed and ultimately you don’t know what happened in the quiet recesses of that marriage. While it takes two people to cheat, statistically it also takes two people to drive a marriage to the point where there is room for that in the first place… 
Because, turning your back on someone whose life has been turned upside down by an affair, and choosing to hand over your love for them in exchange for judgement- all the while justifying it because of all the “hurt they caused”, is a betrayal too… and maybe one with an even bigger decimation range…
Stepping off my soap box now, thanks for listening… 
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Image courtesy ofMajtorp’s photostream   

Husband & Wife…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay5 Comments

I must confess that I’d never read any of Leah Stewart’s work before. I didn’t know what to expect, when I received this book from Harper Collins.

Husband & Wife is the story of Nathan and Sarah. Sort of. Mostly it is the story of Sarah, or better yet the story of Nathan and Sarah from Sarah’s perspective.
Nathan, the husband, is a fiction writer. Choosing to write and stay home with the kids, he fills his days with the balancing of shopping, playing with their two children and writing. Sarah, on the other hand, works at a job she does well, but could care less about. They face the same things we each face, in our marriages, everyday.
Even more so though, this could be is a story of betrayal. Sort of. More so the story of marriage- the granola parts of marriage, that is. The cold cereal and spilt milk realities of marriage, that we married people often try to wipe up and hide before someone sees our mess- our flaws… Granted, not every marriage contains a betrayal, and although in this novel the character’s marriage does- that isn’t really the point. The point is more so how we wake up one day, years after vows at the alter, and realize we’ve changed. Maybe our passions matured, our dreams died down, our children tamed us or real life and adult responsibilities dulled our edges. It’s about finding yourself, without going backwards. The majority of us, if we reflected on our society honestly (and the pop culture we tend to allow to influence and guide our lives) we’d have to admit that most of the time, when waking up to this position, people do attempt to find themselves by trying to go back.
I don’t even know, really. It’s kind of about a lot.
I truthfully couldn’t put this book down. It wasn’t even that I saw myself in Sarah, (or my husband in Nathan.) Not at first, anyway.
Ok, sure, our marriage has a betrayal sandwiched in the middle of it. We reconciled in spite of it, and became truer versions of ourselves (or at least try to be) because of it… That isn’t where I felt myself. No. It was more in the secret subtle moments of normal thoughts and self seeking questions. It was more in the moments where Sarah realized she’d lost something valuable, in herself, but wasn’t sure she wanted it back. Or what she wanted. It was in the moments which sounded selfish, but turned out to exist solely because Sarah was a wife- she no longer lived for herself, but was someone complete because she was woven together with this other person. Finding herself, wasn’t just about herself…
I suspect the majority of us have been there before. If not yet, the time is coming… It’s not a bad thing, I don’t think. It’s vital, perhaps.
Husband & Wife is a beautiful book. Leah Stewart’s way with words is intoxicating. It is raw and sometimes uncomfortable, as all raw things should be. It is honest, it’s characters human to their core. It is real, and relatable. It is, quite possibly, the most honest look at marriage (and what it is, and what it costs us as well as what it gives to us) that I’ve ever read…
Husband & Wife is available for preorder here at Amazon. You can also find her website here. There is information about Leah, as well as her other published works (which I am moving to the top of my reading list NOW)

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