The Cheating and the Cheated…

At it’s core, adultery is simply betrayal…
And yet, anyone who has ever been somehow connected to an adulterous affair can tell you that there is nothing simple about it. In most cases, hearts are broken, families are decimated, and usually everyone even slightly associated with the marriage affected sees their own lives altered and affected in unexpected ways… 
I remember… 
When my husband cheated on me, back in 1999, I had people (well meaning people, who loved us) ranting to me about how much my husband’s actions had hurt them. We divorced. Friendships were broken. Two years later, when we (him and I) decided to pursue reconciliation, those same people were the ones shouting the loudest, telling me to steer clear of him and run as fast as I could- in the other direction. 
Every situation isn’t mine, and I understand that. Still though, I’ve been wondering how many people would be able and willing to forgive and heal, if the people in their lives would support them? So often, as we support loved ones, we tend to merely push our own agenda based on our own hurts. 
Back to betrayal. Most of us are guilty. Maybe it’s not sexual, but what about a long conversation with a co-worker about how unhappy we are at home? What about constantly spilling, to a girlfriend, about our husband’s faults and flaws? How are these not also, betrayals? So you’ll say But Misty, it’s not the same! No, it’s not the same, but in any relationship the standard should be “You are either FOR me, or AGAINST me.” 
And folks, it really is that simple… 
Not every marriage can survive a betrayal, and that’s sad because like I said, hearts are broken and families wind up torn apart. When you find yourself in the “friends and family members” category of that situation, (and unfortunately, with the divorce rate what it is- you probably will) do everyone a favor and wake up every morning- let go of your hurt- and love that person/couple. Even if it’s something you have to wake up and do, everyday, for the rest of your life.
 Just do it.
Let go and love…
Whether you understand, or don’t. Whether you approve or not, because it’s not about you. You may have been super close, but you weren’t there when the doors were closed and ultimately you don’t know what happened in the quiet recesses of that marriage. While it takes two people to cheat, statistically it also takes two people to drive a marriage to the point where there is room for that in the first place… 
Because, turning your back on someone whose life has been turned upside down by an affair, and choosing to hand over your love for them in exchange for judgement- all the while justifying it because of all the “hurt they caused”, is a betrayal too… and maybe one with an even bigger decimation range…
Stepping off my soap box now, thanks for listening… 
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Image courtesy ofMajtorp’s photostream   

Categories: marriage

7 Comments »

  1. You suggested I leave my Facebook comment here, and I figured, what the heck, I'm online anyway. So here it is:I am especially a fan of your comment regarding husband dissing to girlfriends. But I take it further: if I diss my husband in my mental life, that is the biggest betrayal I can come up with. That is the root of any "legitimate" betrayal, honestly. Thoughts become attitudes, attitudes become beliefs, beliefs become actions. That is the real truth behind the phrase "I think, therefore I am."

  2. Beautifully written! I couldn't agree more with everything you have said. I have been married for 20+ years and have been through so much. Betrayal can happen on ALL levels and I completely agree that betrayal is betrayal no matter what form it is in. Your spouse should be the one person you not only revere but you protect and build up. I wish I could say more on the subject but I don't want to hijack your post and I have too many eyes on my own blog. dang. LOL Anyway. LOVE your post! Thank you for your thoughts on this!

  3. This post stirs up so much emotion. I had no idea you went through this, that you guys divorced and reconciled, wow.I wish I could have been this mature when I was cheated on, instead I was destroyed. I had six month old twins and his affair messed me up in the worst of ways. That started four years of back and forth hurt and … you know much of the story.Anyway, just wanted to say that I appreciate your honesty and really enjoyed this post. Thank you.

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