Three Step…

Sometimes people disappoint us. As a friend, spouse and parent it may often seem that these sometimes morph into ugly a lot of times…

One step forward- “I am so proud of you. I can tell you are working really hard and trying really hard and I am so proud of you and so grateful for you.”

Three steps back- Stolen candy wrappers, stolen cough drop wrappers, stolen make up, lies about how it isn’t her fault and she didn’t do it… Profane, angry responses and zero responsibility.

Same song and dance. Same game. Same, Same, Same…

Reactive Attachment Disorder is a bitch. PTSD too, for that matter. But at the end of the day, there are choices too. She makes the choice. She takes the path. She absorbes the praise and takes secret joy in thinking she’s “pulled one over on us.” She once again punishes us for not trusting her in the illusion of the good times, and then punishes us for realizing (again) that she isn’t trustworthy or responsible.

Same, same, same…

I have slept roughly eight hours in three days. Life is huge and overwhelming right now, and I’d be more than happy to comp her the reality that if ever there was a time for big, hard emotions and struggles- these changes were a time. EXCEPT that this garbage has been going on for months. She sleeps in a complete stripped room, minus her furniture and her clothing, because of this garbage. Because of the screaming and the verbal cruelty and the hatred.

She’s been doing so good, I am so amazed– We’ve spoken every single day for a few weeks now.

But she wasn’t doing well. She was playing the part, hiding the truth- until the truth was in the light, and then she tossed her character aside like trash and the cruelty came out again. And for the gazillionth time, I’m here, disappointed.

She’s a good girl, she’s a sweet girl.

She is.

She is also a thief, by proud decision, and a compulsive liar. She also loves to be mouthy and cruel to us. Not because she is thirteen, but because she has a sickness and that sickness makes her feel the need to be in control.

I am tired of stepping… forwards, backwards. I kind of just want a nap.

2 thoughts on “Three Step…

    1. She has done numerous therapies but I don’t think so. We had a huge talk this morning and she knows it’s a matter of choice. Frustrating for us, but at the end of the day we want her to NOT WANT TO do these things because she is worth that. So we’ll keep working on that.

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